Sometimes I forget to quiet my mind and connect with my intuition. Especially when something happens that pushes hard on my fear button. When that happened recently, the voice of my ego got super loud.
And look, I get it, our ego is influenced by the way we are perceiving the world around us and our perceptions developed because of our past experiences, hurts, and fears. The voice of the ego is a loud inner voice. This inner voice feeds on fear and anxiety. It believes it can keep us safe by controlling the situation. If it loses control, it goes nuts. It’s favorite pastime is spinning a web of “what ifs” and planning for catastrophes that haven’t even happened yet. Our ego is intent on focusing on past hurts. But focusing on past hurts makes the “what if’s” keep multiplying. It’s a vicious cycle. Our ego screams that, “Change is bad” or “This is happening because I am being punished for…” It tries to convince us that anything that appears as a bump in the road is really a bolder that is going to kill us.
Can you relate?
My ego’s voice got so loud this past Friday night. I was lost in the “what if’s” and chose to zone out and watch Netflix until I fell asleep. When I woke up on Saturday morning, the list of worries was still swimming around in my head. I curled up on my couch with a box of Kleenex, my favorite blanket, and my journal. It was my birthday and despite the clawing feeling I had in the pit of my stomach, I really really wanted to enjoy the time I would be spending with friends. So, I started writing. I wrote about the emotions that were coming up: my fears, my anger, my hurts, and my sadness. Then I made a list of everything I didn’t like. It took 8 pages of writing and about as many tissues to get there but I cleared out all the emotions that my ego needed to express. When that was done there was room for an intuitive message to come through. When my mind is lost in distressing thoughts, it’s important to give that loud voice of my ego a chance to feel heard. It helps clear my head of all the garbage taking up space. It's my way of taking out the trash so that I can hear my intuition again.
The voice of intuition is everything the voice of the ego is not. It is quiet. It is a loving voice. It’s a gentle and kind nudge toward peacefulness, love, and warmth. It’s not looking for anything. It shows up to comfort. It is always there and available to guide us back to love. But we can’t hear it through all the gunky thoughts of the ego. Journaling helped me quiet that voice long enough to hear Spirit’s message.
Because I was willing to do that, I was able to enjoy my birthday. Distressing thoughts popped in from time to time and I used whatever tool I could to clear the way and hear the voice of Spirit, the voice of intuition. In those moments I did my best to be gentle with myself. Tuesday afternoon I finally felt a sense of true inner peace wash over me. Not a feeling of relief because something in the world made me feel better. Just a sense of peace in knowing that all would be well.
Getting there took me 3 ½ days of diligent practice. It really sucked at times. I focused on surrender, self-soothing techniques, and asking for support from Spirit for strength. Sometimes my emotions had me clenching my fists, shaking inside, and feeling hopeless. My desire was to allow and process them without having them effect me or those around me in a negative way. The biggest thing I got from this weekend was how powerful the voice of my ego was. I could choose to focus on thoughts that would cause me misery or be present with what I was doing. Staying present was the obvious choice. And sometimes it took work.
At this point, I know that regardless of the circumstances, all I need do is remain present and maintain a loving mindset towards myself and all those that I connect with. I can take time to be present with my emotions so that I can acknowledge and let them go. I can choose to walk through my day being consumed by my upset from the past or I can allow the feelings to express themselves by journaling and focus on what is happening in front of me in the moment. And I can continue to love myself when I forget and use whatever tool comes to mind.
One thing is certain. I KNOW that I’m living from my intuitive mind when I’m at peace. And when I’m not, I can recognize it, be gentle with myself, and bring my attention and awareness back to present moment. That is when my ego is silent.
Maybe that’s why they call it “peace and quiet”.
Thank you for taking the time to read this blog. If you found it helpful or would like some support in finding more peace and quiet in your own mind, click here and schedule a Spiritual Counseling Session with me.