I remember when I first heard that "suffering was a choice". I had a lot of resistance to that. It meant that I was responsible for my own suffering. Being a card carrying member of the “victim mentality club”, it was easier to blame outside forces for any unhappiness that I was going through. An area of my life that has been a life long pain point has been around eating and my weight.
It has been a long-time dream to flip the script on my relationship with food.
In the past, I’ve used food as a reward/punishment system. I didn’t fully realize that until, about 10 years ago, after reading and completing the course, “The Artist’s Way”. In this course, it is suggested to write morning pages, or journal, each day. After a certain amount of time, we were invited to read back through what we wrote and notice any mental patterns that were showing up. The biggest pattern that I noticed was how I justified rewarding myself with food when I was tired, or stressed, or even did something good, As I read the journal, I saw just how frequent I used food as a reward. And what was the result when I did that? I would punish myself mentally later.
As can happen on the spiritual path, recognizing a pattern, doesn’t always mean that we choose to shift it. I mean, I did little changes here and there. But I basically did the equivalent of spraying Febreze in a room filled with garbage. As I write this, please know, I’m not beating myself up, I’m sharing an analogy.
My deepest desire is to flip the script on my unhealthy relationship with food permanently.
I have to be willing to accept that my suffering has been a choice. I have been the architect of my unhappiness using food to build my jail cell. I know that rewarding myself ultimately leads to berating myself later and yet, in the past, I kept doing it. Why? Because it was something I thought I could control. My inner victim believed that if life sucked, I could at least bury it in a pleasurable sensation that I controlled. I was addicted to the belief that something outside of me could make it all better and as a result my suffering continued.
The truth is nothing outside of us will ever make us happy. Another Spiritual Truth? Happiness and joy are also a choice. But how do we get there? If you’re like me, it takes reaching what I call my “enough is enough point”.
I finally reached my “enough is enough point” with my relationship with food recently. I was driving back from spending Thanksgiving with the fam. Dinner was lovely. A few hours after dinner we had dessert. It was more of a dessert buffet. I had pumpkin pie, pecan pie, and apple blueberry cobbler. My stomach hurt and as I was driving home, I was in full on self-loathing mode. I also knew that I didn’t want to continue punishing myself this way. I was tired of being so mean and hateful to myself in my mind. I said a prayer and asked for help.
The next day a solution appeared.I found out about 6-week clean eating program that was starting on Monday. It was Friday and I was getting a GIANT YES from Spirit. The details of the program are not important. (I believe that everyone’s nutritional choices are their own).
It looked and felt like a really balanced program and it has been. This program is helping me flip the script. I'm having the experience of utilizing food as fuel rather than reward, punishment, or pleasure. Through following this program, I’m not hungry, my energy is consistent, and I’m not having cravings. Does it take prep? Sure, anything new comes with a learning curve.
You know what the biggest thing I’ve noticed is? My mind is clear. I’ve been feeling peaceful and happy consistently. Yes, there were 3 days of detox. After that though, I felt energized and optimistic about life. I didn’t have to try to feel energized or optimistic, I'm just feeling that way. The new script in my head is Loving. Things that normally would feed my inner critic and victim are not having their usual affect. The sense that I’m getting is that a ton of my mental, physical, and emotional energy, before trying this program, was used in digesting all my judgments around food and using it as a reward/punishment.
I get that food is a big part of this holiday season and being social with friends in general. Guess what? I’ll take feeling the way I'm feeling now and fueling my body rather than overindulging in my old patterns and feeling miserable emotionally and physically. Who knows where this is going to lead? I’m giving it 6-weeks and these are my current musings.
Suffering is a choice.
AND so are Joy and Peace.
We all deserve the latter because those qualities are our birthright. If you believe in a Higher Power, you know that we all come from a source of Universal Joy and Peace.
Let’s. Flip. The. Script!
Is there something you are suffering over that you would like to shift? Book a session with me. I’m happy to hold that vision for you and cheer you on. I believe it’s possible. And it’s also your choice. As human’s we’re all in this together and I’d be honored to support you in living the life that you desire. Click here to book a session today: https://www.readingswithlorri.com/sessions
There’s even a tool I created called Flip the Script cards that you can check out here: https://www.readingswithlorri.com/flip-the-script-cards-info . They’re a great tool that support cultivating an empowered mindset. I’ve use them daily!
