Who Am I When I’m Not Trying to Be Who Others Want Me to Be?

Who am I when I’m not trying to be who others want me to be?

If that question made you pause, you’re not alone. It’s one of the most powerful questions you can ask, especially if you’ve spent years (or decades) molding yourself to meet the expectations of others.

For people-pleasers, this question shakes up the carefully crafted world we've created to feel accepted, safe, or successful. It begins to peel back the layers of who we think we are, allowing us to remember who we’ve always been.

The Importance of Self-Discovery

Whether you’re navigating midlife, shifting your career, or feeling spiritually disconnected despite “doing all the right things,” this question has the power to bring you home to yourself.

When we’re constantly adjusting ourselves to meet others’ expectations, we forget what we want, what we feel, and what we believe. We trade our inner knowing for external validation. That comes at a cost: time, energy, and emotional and physical exhaustion.

Asking, Who am I when I’m not trying to be who others want me to be? is a spiritual reset, an invitation to:

• Reconnect with your intuition

• Reclaim your authenticity

• Realign your life with your true desires

  
  

Here's an Easy 3-Step Process to Begin Working with This Question

Step 1: Journal Prompt

Set a timer for 10-15 minutes. Write and rewrite this prompt while filling it in until your timer goes off.

When I’m with others, I often feel I need to ______ so they’ll ______.

Be honest and compassionate with yourself. This is about awareness, not criticism or blame.

Step 2: Listen for Your Inner Truth

Once you've finished journaling, create space to hear your true self, your intuition. This part of you has been whispering to you under the noise of all these obligations and expectations.

Some ways to do this include:

• Sitting in silence for 5 minutes and asking yourself: What do I want that I’m afraid to admit? Make this a daily practice.

• Pulling a tarot card or oracle card to support the question. Let your intuition interpret the message, rather than your logical mind.

• Meditating.

  
  

Step 3: Take One Small Step

This doesn’t mean you have to burn everything down or shock everyone with a brand-new you. Returning to your authentic self happens in subtle, sacred steps.

Choose one small action that reflects your true self, even if it feels a little rebellious.

Examples include:

• Saying “no” to something you’d normally say “yes” to out of guilt.

• Speaking your truth in a conversation, even if your voice shakes.

• Wearing something that makes you feel good, not what others expect.

  
  

Remember: Each small step you take in alignment with your truth helps you release the stories you've built regarding the expectations of others.

The Journey of Reclaiming Yourself

Reclaiming who you are beneath the roles and people-pleasing patterns is not a one-time thing; it’s a lifelong journey. But it’s a journey worth being on.

The real you—the intuitive, wise, whole you—is still in there. Not lost, just buried under years of performing.

So ask yourself again, gently and honestly:

Who am I when I’m not trying to be who others want me to be?

And let the answer unfold, one soulful step at a time.

If you would like some additional support with this process, book a session with me: https://www.readingswithlorri.com/sessions

Embracing Your Authentic Self

As you continue this journey, remember that embracing your authentic self is a continuous process. Each day presents new opportunities to explore who you are beyond the expectations of others.

Reflect on your experiences and feelings. Consider journaling regularly to track your progress and insights.

The Role of Community

Surrounding yourself with supportive individuals can also be beneficial. Share your journey with friends or family who understand your quest for authenticity. Their encouragement can help you stay true to yourself.

The Power of Self-Compassion

Practice self-compassion throughout this journey. Understand that it’s okay to have setbacks. Growth takes time, and being kind to yourself will make the process smoother.

Follow this blog for more insights on personal growth. Feel free to comment below with your thoughts on this blog or share your own experiences! If you have a friend who could benefit from a little spiritual guidance, invite them to sign up to receive my newsletter.