I am so grateful that at this point in my life, I’m aware of when my inner voices of self-hatred and “the victim” are running the show. They were very active right before my birthday last week. They wanted to review the 55-year old list of “what I didn’t have”, “what I haven’t accomplished”, and remind me of how alone I was in this life. There was a giant pity party raging inside my head.
I scheduled a counseling session for myself and that started to help me shift.
I woke up on my birthday and was grateful that I had chosen to take the day off. I gave myself permission to do whatever I felt like doing. I put a $100 bill (two friends had each sent me $50. How awesome is that!?) in my wallet and gave myself permission to spend it however I chose.
I got to speak with one of my best friends that morning. I got to try a new restaurant for lunch that had several vegetarian options. I got to go to a newly discovered coffee shop and sit in a comfy chair and read a book for fun. Yay! Yay! and Yay!
I had also made plans to get together and have dinner with a friend. At around 4 pm, I wasn't sure where I wanted to go for dinner. As I sat there, I realized that I had made plans with that friend from a space of fear of being alone. It was that energy that was causing that lack of clarity. I tuned in and was prompted to google “birthday rituals”. I came across an article about a birthday ritual and created my own from it. I then texted my friend, asked for a rain-check, and went out to get the supplies I needed for an evening of self-care.
My first stop was to pick up tea lights. I needed one tealight for each year of my age. I also bought a platter to put them on. At the next stop, I got my favorite flowers and bath salts infused with rose oil. When I arrived at home I got to speak with another friend while I made my favorite dinner.
After dinner, I ran a bath and added the bath salt. I laid out the candles and lit them. Yep, there was a fair amount of heat coming from the 55 tealights that I lit. And a whole lotta light! LOL. The bath was ready at the same time I finished lighting all the candles. I put on some healing music and got in the bath. I imagined all the things that were holding me back mentally, emotionally, and physically being dissolved as I soaked. I opened the camera roll on my phone and scrolled to June 10 of 2021 and then scrolled through all the photos from then until June 10 of 2022. As I reviewed my pictorial history, I expressed gratitude for all the events/moments that I had forgotten about. I said a few prayers. I envisioned a few of my desires and handed them over to Spirit. When I was done, I put on my favorite pjs and curled up on the couch with the book I had started earlier in the day. When my eyes got droopy, I went to bed.
I felt complete.
I had turned the pity party in my head into a celebration of gratitude. And I faced my fear of believing I was alone on my birthday.
I have no idea what this next trip ‘round the sun is going to bring. I do know that I am willing to walk with LOVE as I experience whatever shows up. And I am so grateful that I am willing to recognize and shift away from a pain filled mindset into one guided by LOVE.
For a free PDF with a recipe for your own birthday ritual, Click the file below.
I am grateful to get to share this journey with you.