Any pet owner knows that the lifespan of a pet is typically way shorter than ours. We willingly take them into our hearts knowing that someday we will move on without them.
I said goodbye to Cody Bear on Good Friday. It was not an easy choice. It was however the most loving one. All I can do is ride the waves of my grief as I move through this. Working helps. Connecting with Spirit and helping others, helps me.
For me, the loss of a pet, has always hit me harder than the loss of a human. Not because I loved the human any less. Because my pets have been constant, day to day, companions. As a single woman, each loss has made my home seem emptier.
Some of you had the opportunity to meet Cody in person and be greeted by him when you came for a session. Some of you knew him from my social media or blog posts. Some of you knew him from both. He was my official client welcome wagon and a constant teacher to me.
Allowing myself to feel what I feel and not judge myself for it has been my saving grace. I still sit in his spot on the couch when I want to feel comforted. I walked our normal walking route the other day while crying and singing the little song I used to sing him. I often, “I love you Cody Bear.” while walking through my apartment. I still have a split-second thought when returning home after a walk or being out, that he will be there. I still look for him and I still cry when I need to. The little girl in me misses her best friend. And that’s OK.
Here’s the truth, I understand that I chose to have Cody in my life. I understand that I made the most loving choice. And I miss his physical presence. I cry because I miss the tail thumping, smiling, loud panting, drooling, fur ball that he was. He taught me so much about acceptance and had this little trot/prance he did when he was happy to be out on his walks. So, yes, sometimes I cry and sometimes I laugh and smile while thinking of him. He was a true gift in my life and as I ride the waves of this experience, I’m accepting, and moving forward as best I can.
There have been many moments of grace throughout this process.
1. A dear friend cleared her schedule and went with me on the day I had to say goodbye. When I signed the paperwork giving the vet permission to carry out the letting go procedure, I asked them to charge my care credit card and found out that my friend had already taken care of it. She believes that pet owners should never have to pay for that service when it comes time. I believe that too thanks to her.
2. On two friends came over to sit with me and allow me to grieve in the way I needed to. We all cried together over the loss and laughed over stories about Cody.
3. Flowers were sent and left at my door.
4. Friends and family have checked in, took me out for meals, and gifted me crystals.
5. The picture frame in this newsletter was gifted to me by my neighbor. I chose that picture because that captured the essence of Cody. And that is the way that I like to picture him; on the other side of the rainbow bridge chasing an endless supply of tennis balls.
6. The Monday after I said goodbye, I was second guessing my choice and the vet called. She called to see how I was doing and to give me the results of the biopsy. Her words were, “I called to give you peace of mind” and she proceeded to tell me what would’ve happened if I would’ve waited. I know that Cody nudged her to call me so that I wouldn’t carry guilt about it.
7. When I have allowed myself to feel what I’m feeling, underneath the sorrow is a sense of peace. A sense of not being alone.
Grief is an interesting process. It's organic and each person's journey through it is their own. My prayer is that each of us experiencing grief is able to come back to love and an open heart. We all deserve that because that is our birthright. And I truly believe that our loved ones are watching us praying that we allow that too.
Being Cody’s mama is a role I willingly chose. Why? Because that constancy, unconditional love, and comfort is something I craved. Having him with me helped me not feel so alone. As I’ve been going through this, I have found myself wondering, “What if I allowed myself to receive those same things from my Creator? What if I allowed myself to believe in and feel that love that is eternally there for me?” Because if I experienced that love for 8 years with Cody Bear, what would it be like to receive it from my Universal Source?
Maybe including that is the next step as I ride these waves of grief. As I type that I realize that that feels right.
I’m grateful for the honor of getting to be Cody Bear’s mama. Thank you for reading and allowing me to share my journey with you.