This past month I have learned A LOT about being gentle with myself. I had the experience of a week long migraine. Any of you out there that have experienced migraines or even headaches can relate. I had not experienced something of this magnitude since my 20’s. Everything in my world came to a screeching halt. I had no ability to help support others because I was barely able to take care of myself. Thank goodness for a loving neighbor who helped by taking Cody for walks.
The pain distracted me so much that I forgot all my Spiritual Tools. I laid in bed or on my couch, blinds drawn, and did my best to breathe through it. Part of me did know that something huge was being released from my body. And again, I wasn’t at a point to explore that. I just needed to lay as still as possible. That was the best that I could do in that moment, and I accepted that part of me knew that I would explore it soon. I wasn’t there yet.
About 5 days in, a well-meaning friend asked, “What does Spirit have to say about this?” And my first thought was, “I need the pain to stop first.” That question although irksome at the time was helpful because it was a reminder that I was not alone. Up until this point, I had gone down the rabbit hole of feeling very alone.
I had an insight in that moment, as well as a boatload of compassion for people that experience chronic pain. I just wanted someone to tell me everything was going to be okay. And then I had an epiphany. It was up to me to do that for myself. I could comfort myself. I could be gentler with myself. It had to start with me. That day I called a friend and asked her to take me to Urgent Care. They gave me a shot for the migraine. I can now say that I have had my first butt shot. That night I ate my first normal meal and began feeling better. The pain had paused.
The next morning, I woke up and had a headache again. At that point, I was BEYOND frustrated and decided to have a strongly worded conversation with Spirit. I was like, “Look! I’ve handed this over to you a few times this week and I don’t know what else to do! I can’t live like this. I need this, whatever this is to be healed back to the root cause. I don’t need to know what it’s about. Just take it. I’m done! I CANNOT carry whatever this is around anymore! I don’t want it and I am willing to fully let it go. I don’t know what else to do!”
You see, I believe that my thoughts, known or unknown to me at the time, cause whatever comes up for me in my world.
A few minutes later I got a nudge that my headache, in that moment, was a result of dehydration. So, I hydrated, hydrated, hydrated all day long and it cleared. Shortly after that, I was guided to practice the Kirtan Kriya meditation and noticed that the chanting made my head feel better. I also had the thought that Cody deserved a break as well. I had been giving him the bare minimum of attention that week and he had been so good throughout. I wished for him to be surrounded by the maximum amount of attention, fun activity, and love. So, I reached out to my pet sitter and asked if she and her family would like to take him for a few days. She was THRILLED! She had just told her husband that she was going to call me and ask if she could take him for a few days because she missed him. She and her son came to pick him up that same day. Their joy and Cody’s joy was proof that I made the right choice. And I knew that I needed a few days to establish my rhythm again and just take care of myself. I was consciously choosing a route of gentleness and self-care. Of course, the “mama guilt” surfaced and then with it, the memory of the joy on the faces of my friend, her son, and Cody.
I was then nudged to spend an entire day in silent meditation while Cody was away. So that Sunday I did a one-day Vipassana. Unplugging from all electronic devices for an entire day felt so freeing. And gentle.
The morning after my Vipassana, I woke up super early, and was inspired to do a bunch of journaling. I felt guided to thank all the parts in me that had stood guard and protected me all my life. I’m speaking about the parts that had become hyper vigilant and were afraid and angry and didn't feel safe. I wrote to each of those parts and allowed them to share their concerns with me. I expressed my appreciation to each of them for their years of loving service. I then gave them permission to rest and assured them that if I ever needed them, I would call upon them again. Next, I wrote a letter welcoming the parts of myself that I had ignored and knew would support me in moving forward. These parts included: gentleness, joy, constancy, beauty, faith, acceptance, fun, playfulness, and trust.
All week I have found myself making choices that are surrounded by gentleness. Allowing myself to take time to nap, go to bed early, and spend more time with friends. The need to rush around and get things done is not appealing to me and I’m OK with that. AND prosperity continues to show up.
This week I have felt lighter. I do know that the end of this migraine, also brought an old energetic cycle to an end. This experience left me with the reminder of how essential gentleness, self-care, and self-acceptance truly are. And no one, absolutely no one can do that for me but me. It has to start with me. I’m grateful for the healing that this experience has and continues to bring about.
How has reading this inspired you today? I would love to hear from you in the comments below or in an email.
Thank you for being part of this community and your willingness to read this blog.